Insensitive
by MageNellofGalla
Summary: Song-fic. I'm a fool, I know, because I couldn't tell from the start. Angsty Kel/Joren. Insensitive by Jann Arden Is not mine.


_How do you cool your lips__  
__After a summer's kiss?__  
__How do you rid the sweat__  
__After the body bliss?_

I put my fingers to my lips, recalling the warmth that pressed against them not long ago. I'm in love. No! I can't be in love with him. No, not again. He's the torturer of my page days; I can't fall in love with him. I continue to tell myself this the rest of the summer yet my whole body warms with the thought of his icy blue eyes, his lips against mine. I try my best to banish the heat but it's no use. I'm hooked.

_How do you turn your eyes__  
__From the romantic glare?__  
__How do you block the sound__  
__Of a voice you'd know anywhere?_

To my great chagrin, we meet again in winter, on our way to the Capital. Now would be a great time for heat to flood my body but I'm sure that the excitement has gone, left with the summer and never to return again… Hopefully.

He eyes me—roasts me— with his blue eyes, forcing me to turn back and look. I'm foolish, I know, because I do. He gives a crooked smile and I turn back immediately, flustered. "Hey!" he says. I turn because I know it's him, and I'm hoping he's calling me. But he isn't. He's talking with Vinson. I sigh and try to brush it off but I still hear his voice over the crowd.

_Oh, I really should have known__  
__By the time you drove me home__  
__By the vagueness in your eyes__  
__Your casual good byes__  
__By the chill in your embrace__  
__The expression on your face that told me__  
__Maybe you might have some advice to give__  
__On how to be insensitive, insensitive, insensitive_

_How do you numb your skin__  
__After the warmest touch?__  
__How do you slow your blood__  
__After the body rush?_

He touches my wrist and the breath catches in my throat, the heat from his fingers spreading to envelope my whole body. "How are you? We haven't spoken since…" He trails off and I finish his sentence.

"Summer." I curse myself inwardly. Saying that one word meant that I remembered him very well

"Yeah, summer. Hey, how about I ride with you?" he suggests.

"I can't. I should really accompany Lord Raoul." I look back to my knight master and see him trotting forward. Great. Now I have no one to back me up. Thanks, Raoul.

We ride side by side and we talk. My heart races when he takes my hand and I try to make it stop from fluttering. It doesn't.

_How do you free your soul__  
__After you've found a friend?__  
__How do you teach your heart__  
__It's a crime to fall in love again?_

I try to erase the name he engraved in my heart but it won't go away. I tell my fickle heart never to love. Never… because it will have an end, a terrible, permanent end. I try, and try but the feeling doesn't go away. His blond hair tied back into a pony-tail, his icy blue eyes piercing through my own. It might never go away.

_Oh, you probably won't remember me__  
__It's probably ancient history__  
__I'm one of the chosen few__  
__Who went ahead and fell for you__  
__I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch__  
__I fell too fast, I feel too much__  
__I thought that you might have some advice to give__  
__On how to be insensitive_

I should've known! I curse myself months after we lose contact. I wonder if I could go back… No. He probably already forgot about me. We flared up and dimmed down to embers, spitting at each other. I'm fickle. One word and I hate him but one kiss and I love him again. I put my head in my hands. When will it end?

_Oh, I really should have known__  
__By the time you drove me home__  
__By the vagueness in your eyes__  
__Your casual good byes__  
__By the chill in your embrace__  
__The expression on your face that told me__  
__Maybe you might have some advice to give__  
__On how to be, insensitive_

He took me out once. Told me stories, complimented my clothes although they were merely a shirt and breeches. He really knows how to make me blush, although I hate it. He walked me back to the palace, up the stairs and to my doorstep. His eyes held the slightest hint of admiration, nothing more. He said good-bye and hugged me loosely, indifference on his face.

"G'night, Kel." I couldn't read Joren at all. I should've known then... that it wasn't real, wasn't true.

_How to be_

_Insensitive_

_How to be_

_Insensitive_

_How to be_

* * *

(A/N) Hello! This is originally sung by Jann Arden. :D This is only my second song-fic and I'd love if someone could review and tell me whether it's good or not and where to improve. ^_^ Pretty please with a cherry on top! Unless you'd like a cookie. But cookies are hard to fit into the virtual food email slot so you'll have to settle for the cherry. ;)

Warmest Regards,

Nell


End file.
